8 Positive Habits For a Holistically Healthy Stay at Home Mom

To be a stay-at-home mom is sacred work that takes pure grit, just as much as a working mother. There is a myth within our society that tells us that being at home with our children is ‘easy’, ‘relaxing’, with no responsibilities or hardships, but this is so far from the truth.

We are still human. We are still parents. Being a mother has been proven to take up the same amount of work as 2.5 full time jobs!

A mother who stays at home takes on endless hats. She is chef, cleaner, organizer, teacher, shopper, health advocate, sometimes a partner, and all in between. She is all of this whilst putting in constant work to be as regulated, calm, and mindful as possible, so she can break generational wounding by being there for her children and herself through our vast, everchanging emotional landscapes. You can learn more about learning, changing and healing your ancestry through your parenting, here.

This is in no way a post stating that this is the hardest way to mother. There are no competitions here. There is no need for a match of stay-at-home mom vs working mom. We are all in this together. Working with pure grit to nurture the next generation.

We are all superwomen. We are all goddesses. We are all trying our best to parent and be with ourselves with the resources that we were given.

But being a stay-at-home mom can be a slippery slope towards losing your identity if we’re not careful. The relationships, the purpose, the gratification, distraction, and teamwork we receive at work helps to build our identity back up to be separate from mother. But if you stay at home with your child, you must pull yourself fully from these trenches and ensure you don’t revolve your life around the home. You can read deeper into the effect of postpartum grief and re-claiming your identity, here.

Trust me, I’ve been there, and it’s within the simple moments that we don’t feel are important, where the most growth happens, and we begin to step into who we truly are at our core. This then creates a powerful cycle of parenting becoming easier, becoming more bonded to our children, as well as being all around calmer and loving towards yourself.

1. Say no to outdated gender roles, express your need for support and say yes to yourself.

It’s so normal as a stay-at-home mom to feel resentment and underappreciated sometimes for our hard efforts, which usually stem from a lack of education, understanding or support around us. We were never supposed to do this alone! We are supposed to be raising our children in villages. And you have the right to say no to your responsibilities and yes to you – ensuring that your partner or family understand the importance of this for you and your child is imperative for you to grow.

It’s an incredibly outdated belief to assume that the mother and the woman’s responsibility is to do all house chores, all physical, mental, and educational support for her child(ren), but also do this without any care for themselves, and to do it calmly! This just isn’t humanly possible.  

If your partner or family members have high expectations that are outdated – for example expecting you to do all the house chores 24/7, all the childcare and not take care of yourself ‘because you’re a mother’, all while not getting any sleep, rest, exercise, or adequate nutrition, this is your sign to express yourself and your needs. You are not selfish for taking care of yourself as a mother, you are selfless, as this is the number one thing you could do to serve the positive health and actualization of your children.

Yes, if you are at home and your partner is working, you may be responsible for certain jobs being carried out, but as soon as they are home from their role, they are a father and a partner too, and the foundation of this is collaboration.

Express your needs to your partner or family. Re-connect with what you need and the things that bring you joy and energizes you. Re-parent yourself. Educate your partner and radically set your boundaries to be seen and heard. Express yourself around the difficulties you’re facing, and work with them to help you meet this. It can be as simple as a nap, for them to take your baby or child out for a couple of hours. Loving you is loving your child.

• 2. Create a dream board with your dreams and write down your daily/weekly goals.

Writing down our thoughts and feelings helps us to release them and express ourselves, and writing down our goals supports our subconscious minds to make them a reality. When our minds see a visual of our dreams each day, it begins to take the subconscious steps towards actualizing them. Of course they’re not going to happen overnight, especially as a stay-at-home mom, but creating something purely for us to revel in our desires and dreams, helps us to re-connect with who we are and our purpose within the world, alongside being a mother.

Find some magazines or print out an array of photographs online that symbolize or visually show the dreams that you have. For example, for a dream to own land and a farm, it could be a beautiful country farm upon acres of land which you gravitate towards. If it’s a certain amount of money, find a picture of money, but be descriptive! Ensure you write/create a collage with detailed titles that describe the dream as if it’s already happened. Your body or mind doesn’t know the difference and will begin reaping the rewards as if you’re living this life already. Statements like “I AM SO GREATFUL I HAVE EARNED $20,000 BY DECEMBER 2024”.

As a daily or weekly task, it’s also so important to write down your list of goals for the week, without putting high expectations on yourself for needing to complete them all by a certain time. You can gently attempt to (if they are realistic) but of course our children and our health come first, so set yourself a realistic target, and don’t give yourself grief if that doesn’t happen. This gets the racing thoughts of responsibilities’ out of your mind and onto paper, helping you with accountability and self-confidence.

• 3. Wake up before your children – if it’s possible!

This one is a tricky one, because I don’t do this, as it’s not possible for me, but I did used to when my daughter was younger, and it was a game-changer! My daughter has been waking up for the day at 5am-6am every morning for a while now, and I’m always so tired, there’s no way I have the capacity to wake up before then! But, when my daughter was smaller, I would wake up an hour before, have a slow coffee on my own, journalled, and meditated before she woke, and it truly was incredible beyond words for my mental health. To start your day off in solitude, listening to the clues of your body is soul food.

4. Get ready for your day, no matter what you’re doing.

This is such a simple and powerful one that no one speaks of enough. When we’re having a slow day pottering around the house, gentle walks and baby groups etc, it can be easy to want to just stay in your comfiest (which I do a lot!) but I used to spend full days in my pj’s when I was home, and if I wasn’t I’d just be in joggers, not fully get ready, until I realized it was making me feel quite disconnected from who I was. We express our personality through our clothes, our makeup, our jewelry, and our hair, some more so than others. Beginning to get ready for your perfect day, in a way that makes you feel like you, are so valuable.

5. Step outside of your comfort zone

If your life feels quite monotonous and you’re going to the same groups, places and having the same routines constantly, this is your sign to make a change for you and your child! Stepping outside of your comfort zone enhances our self-belief, builds resilience and our self-worth. It also supports us in learning new things, which is amazing for our mental health. Travel to a new area, go on a new walk, find a new library, try a new form of exercise, try a new hobby or craft with your child, meet new people!

6) Find Community and Mom Friends

I think this goes without saying, but it can be so hard! Motherhood can be incredibly lonely, and as I mentioned earlier, we aren’t supposed to do this on our own. We are supposed to be together as mothers, connecting and sharing our lives together, not only for us, but so our children can learn about healthy relationships and meet other children. It’s wonderful to have friends that aren’t mothers too, but it may be hard to find a schedule that works, and us mothers can end up struggling with the fact that they may not be able to connect with the same ups and downs when it comes to motherhood. Find groups that you resonate with, swimming classes, go to baby gyms (soft play in the uk) download the peanut app, or even create your own motherhood group! (I will be doing this soon!)

7) Child-led independent play

There’s a myth that teaches mothers that we need to do everything with our children all the time, but independent play is incredible for their development, their minds, body, and their ability to even self soothe by enhancing creativity, playfulness, problem-solving and confidence. This is time that’s hugely beneficial for your child and is also your rest time!

8) Include your children in life as a stay at home mom

Release control and the idea that children can’t make decisions or do things on their own. They are autonomous beings. Especially when they are toddlers and beyond, all they desire to do is to help and be involved with every facet of your life. Give your children the freedom to help and make their own decisions in a child-led appropriate way. For example, my daughter loves cracking the eggs, putting the flour etc in the bowl and whisking when we bake! She loves putting things in the bin, carrying plates to the kitchen, putting her own toys away, sweeping and hanging up laundry with me! It may not be perfect, but that doesn’t matter. Involve them and make your life easier by turning daily chores into a fun activity! I also do this with exercise/breathwork – I turn it into a game! She loves being involved above all.