Tackling Postpartum Mental Health: Unlearning Mom Guilt & Reconnecting with Self

Within the trenches of new motherhood, navigating the challenging waters of postpartum mental health can be overwhelming. Postpartum mom guilt can creep in and make you feel like you’re not doing enough or not being the perfect parent you envisioned. The unfortunate truth is that we live within a society that places immense expectations on mothers to take on every role without support, expected to power through the need for self-care, deeming mothers as selfish for having separate needs from their children, and the biggest projection of all – is to live up to always being a perfect parent. Let me begin by telling you that all of these societal expectations are impossible for anyone to live up to, least of all a woman experiencing the biggest transformation of her life… Birthing a child earthside, and becoming a mother.

You can read more about unsubscribing to society’s expectations of motherhood here.

It’s essential to recall who you are at your core. You are only human, you are imperfectly perfect, who is modeling to your children that being unapologetically human and flawed, is normal and deserving of love. In this blog post, we will explore ten steps to help you tackle postpartum mental health, unlearn mom guilt, and reconnect with yourself during this metamorphosis of your mind, body and spirit.

Honoring Your Imperfect Humanness Within the Midst of Mom Guilt

Just as the seasons change, calling in cycles of growth and hibernation, so too do we, as humans, ebb and flow through our intricate rhythms. We have a complex range of emotions within us, born from our vast experience and the traumas that have wounded us.

As parents, we navigate this journey with the tools handed down to us, often imperfect, always striving to do our best in the face of daily challenges. It’s essential to acknowledge that each family, each child, and each parent is unique, with their own resources, traumas, teachings, and beliefs passed down to them, to then be passed on to us. – let this be a gentle reminder that a one-size-fits-all, ‘black and white’ approach to parenting simply cannot encompass the diversity of our human experience. In embracing our imperfections, we must recognize that mistakes are not just inevitable but are integral to our growth and the evolution of our children. Owning up to our mistakes and flaws, so that we can learn and reconnect with both ourselves and our children, in collaboration. The greatest teaching we can model for our children is the beauty of our humanness – flawed, resilient, and profoundly real. This authentic expression of ourselves teaches them that perfection is a myth, and striving for it will only cause us pain. It’s only within our imperfections, that the true essence of connection and unconditional love is found. There’s a fabulous blog post going deeper into mom guilt and how we can replace it with grace, here.

Embracing the Raw Transformation of Postpartum

Becoming a new mom not only changes your body and alerts powerful hormones, it’s also a time of true vulnerability, as our layers begin to fall away, and our identity changes forever. The postpartum period is rich with its own unique rhythms and rituals, inviting you to lean into the vast spectrum of feelings that accompany the arrival of your little one, and the re-birth of your new self.

It’s a time where vulnerability meets strength, and where life and death meet. The birth of your child creates a new life and role for yourself in the world, as your old life, responsibilities, beliefs and teachings begin to die, as your opportunity to show up in the world as you are, begin to feel more possible.

Let the postpartum period lead you to curiosity and deep connection, rather than allowing mom guilt to take the reins. This is a new world to you too. Your first moments as a mother. This is their childhood, yes. But this is also your motherhood. Powerful shifts are happening within your body and soul, remember to hold yourself with the same compassion and kindness that you do your own child. The transformation is not just about becoming a mother; it’s a rebirth of yourself into someone more resilient, intuitive, and infinitely loving. The transition from maiden to mother can be a painful one. But on the other side of this opening, comes expansion like never before. But, go slow. Breathe in, leave expectations behind and listen to the instincts of you and your child. Mother yourself in all the ways you need. To learn more about holistic postpartum healing, you can read here.

Nurturing Relationships in Your New Role

Transitioning into motherhood invites not just a new chapter for you, but for your relationships as well. Such a vulnerable transition can lead your heart broken wide open, not to mention the hormonal changes that don’t begin to balance until about 18 months after birthing your child (if you’re breastfeeding, this time only begins when you stop).

We are created for connection and co-regulation within villages. We need connection for us to fully thrive, especially within the role of motherhood. This is why we say “it takes a village!” Surround yourself with people who actively listen and respect you, without judging, shaming or misunderstanding you. Motherhood has unfortunately been minimized over the decades to be seen as an ‘easy’ role which just comes naturally and simply for women, but in reality, this is a time of deep emotional, physical, mental, educational and physiological change. A woman has birthed a child from her body, and deserves to be treated as the goddess she is within this time where extra care, love, understanding and slowness is needed.

Ensure conscious, open connection with your partner, family, and friends, articulating your feelings and needs with reverence and grace, as you advocate for you and your child. By sharing your journey and listening to theirs, you foster an environment of mutual care and understanding. Embrace this time to deepen bonds and cultivate a village of love and support around you. Remember, every open conversation about your needs and feelings, every shared bonding with your child, brings you closer and stronger as a family unit.

Accepting and Growing Through Change

Embrace the transformation as you step into new motherhood, where each day brings a new adventure, with a deeper understanding of your strength and adaptability. Acknowledge that change is not only what occurs in the outer environment, but is the evolution of your inner world, too. It’s in the heart of these transitions where you’ll learn new parts of yourself that are only just being explored. The new routine or role is only the beginning. You are blossoming into a version of you that’s being tested, tried and molded into a playful, intuitive power you’ve never seen before. As you gently settle, allow yourself to be curious with what changes arise within yourself and your life, and honor patience through the season of motherhood you are in. Welcome the metamorphosis with an open heart and a raw depth that only motherhood can bring.

Taking Time to Settle into Motherhood

Give yourself permission to explore the landscape of new motherhood at your own pace, understanding that becoming a mom is a profound journey of constant ups and downs, not a race or a set role that you become. You and your children are constantly changing alongside each other, and your parenting role will adapt differently too. Address your mom guilt with grace, choose to see the magic in the mundane and the beauty within each milestone. Whether it be your baby’s smiles, cries, and the silent language of love that passes between you without the need for words. This period of adjustment is a sacred time and the foundation of your future together. Allow each day to be led by the needs of you and your child at that time, rather than any of the expectations or needs of society or anyone else.

Adapting to Your Child’s Changing Needs

As your child grows, you’ll notice them constantly changing and showing new sides of themselves. Each stage of their development presents unique challenges and opportunities. For example, when they move from babbling to forming full sentences, it’s not just a milestone—it’s a chance for deeper communication and understanding. When they transition from crawling to walking, your role shifts from cautious protector to supportive cheerleader.

Parenting through these changes requires flexibility and creativity. Look at each developmental stage with curiosity and adapt to meet your child’s evolving needs. This might mean finding new activities that match their growing interests or adjusting daily routines as they become more independent.

Your ability to adapt is not just necessary; it’s a sign of your strength and resilience. Embrace these changes confidently, knowing they offer fresh ways to strengthen your bond with your child and see the world anew through their perspective. This journey, while unpredictable, enriches your connection and continually reshapes your experience as a parent.

Prioritizing Primal Needs for Stability

In the earliest days of human history, when we lived as hunter-gatherers, our primal needs for safety and love were essential for survival. These needs helped our ancestors stay alert to threats and fostered strong bonds within communities, ensuring mutual protection and assistance. Today, these same needs play a critical role in our psychological well-being, especially in highly transformative phases like motherhood.

In the first stages of motherhood, addressing your primal needs for safety, love, and nourishment is vital. These needs are essential not only for survival but for providing a strong foundation of stability and emotional health. Love and safety are particularly critical because they directly affect your ability to care for yourself and your new baby. When these needs are met, you’re more likely to feel secure and supported, which can significantly ease the stress of the postpartum period.

To meet these needs, consider strategies that promote physical safety and emotional comfort. This could involve creating a calming environment at home, ensuring that your living space is a safe haven where you can relax and bond with your baby. Regular contact with loved ones who provide emotional support and understanding can also reinforce feelings of love and security.

Practices like mindful eating, gentle exercise, and adequate rest contribute to your physical well-being and nourish your body. Taking time for activities that soothe your mind, like reading, meditating, or engaging in a hobby, can help maintain your mental health. These acts of self-care are not indulgent—they’re necessary steps to keep you grounded and healthy, enabling you to embrace motherhood with confidence and resilience.

Regulating Your Nervous System Through Mindfulness and Movement

Postpartum life can often feel wild leaving your nervous system to feel sensitive to dysregulation. Finding stability during this time is crucial, and two powerful tools to support you are mindfulness and movement.

Mindfulness can be incorporated through simple breathing exercises. Try setting aside a few minutes each day to focus on your breath—perhaps in the morning before your day begins or during a quiet moment when your baby is napping. Deep, controlled breathing can help reduce stress and bring a sense of calm and balance to your day. Remember, in the early days where it feels like you don’t have a moment free, it is okay to put your baby somewhere safe while you regulate yourself. It is not a luxury, it is the deep care of your child, by caring for their mother.

Movement is equally important and can be adapted to fit your new routine. This could be anything from a gentle walk with your baby in a stroller, to doing some light yoga or stretching in your living room. The key is to find activities that not only help you move but also sync with your breathing to maximize stress relief.

These activities are more than just physical exercises; they are powerful ways to express yourself and manage your well-being. Regularly practicing mindfulness and engaging in movement helps regulate your nervous system, providing not just immediate relief but also a longer-term feeling of rejuvenation.

Embrace these practices to guide you through the ebbs and flows of motherhood.

So, let your breath guide you and your movement free you, as you find your rooted self within the beautiful chaos of motherhood.

You can read more about how to regulate your nervous system as a mother, with your children here.

Healing Through Unlearning Mom Guilt

Navigating motherhood often leads us into moments of self-doubt and guilt, known commonly as ‘mom guilt.’ These feelings usually arise when we criticize ourselves for perceived shortcomings or mistakes. However, these challenging moments also present an opportunity for personal growth and healing.

Addressing mom guilt effectively involves understanding why we feel this way. It’s not about ignoring these feelings but rather exploring their roots—perhaps expectations set by society, our families, or ourselves. The next step is to actively remind ourselves of our worth and the efforts we make daily.

One way to manage these feelings is through a simple practice of self-compassion. When guilt arises, acknowledge it, perhaps envision wrapping it in understanding, or feel into the sensation in your body, by placing a hand there, like a friend. Tell this part of you: “I see you. I hear you. I let you go.”, replacing it with positive affirmations about your parenting.

This process is not just about overcoming negative feelings; it’s a journey of self-discovery and acceptance that can lead to a more joyful and confident approach to motherhood. By embracing this process, you not only help yourself but also set an example of resilience and self-love for your children. This approach teaches them, through your actions, the importance of kindness and understanding toward themself.

Building a Supportive Community

In motherhood, finding a group of other mothers can significantly ease your journey. This network acts like a support system where you can exchange stories, seek advice, and find empathy in shared experiences.

Establishing such connections means having people who understand your daily challenges and victories. Whether it’s through laughter or tears, the support of fellow moms provides a sense of belonging and mutual encouragement. It reinforces that you’re not alone in this experience.

By connecting with others who are also navigating parenthood, you gain access to a wealth of shared knowledge and emotional support. This collective wisdom can be reassuring, helping you navigate the ups and downs of raising children.

Look for local parenting groups, online forums, or community experiences where you can meet other parents. Such networks not only offer practical advice and emotional support but also help lighten the load of motherhood by reminding you that others share your experiences and challenges, so we can offer grace to mom guilt once and for all.